I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
