Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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