i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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