If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
