I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
