you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
