i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
