I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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