Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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