Your mouth is God's brothel.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
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we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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