I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
