When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
