John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
