Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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