Banned from zoo.
Again?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's blow job season.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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