We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
being pregnant is like rehab
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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