I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
