I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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