please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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