You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
