My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
