people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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