This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
