Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
