I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
