I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
