remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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