I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
