So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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