Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
