but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
