His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
