im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize