If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
