i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
