so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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