He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
