i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
