remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
