Got a toothbrush?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
