just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
