Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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