dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
