that's an acceptable place to lick
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
