So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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