haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
