Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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