hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
