I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Randomize