oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Dear god my vagina.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
