Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
