I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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