i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
