i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
