I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
