kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
