You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
