I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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