I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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