my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
