I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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