fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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