Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
