if i can run in heels then i can drive
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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