Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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