Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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