You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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