i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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