Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
