the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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