you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize