we're chasing vodka with high fives
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
