Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize