i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize